Laurie Meade's Ken Watch: Part One

Ken goes in:

I'm sure it's the first time many of us have laid eyes on Ken Russell as he makes his way down the red carpet and towards Davina, a big old craggy faced fellow with a ruddy complexion and a shock of unruly white hair - he looks a little lost. On his way in we hear him “I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain…”

On entering the house he introduces himself to Jermain Jackson and the former Miss Great Britain “Anyone home? In know you but you won't know me, I'm an old English Film Director.”

Ken causes a scandal in the first night by changing his clothes in the sight of other house guests. Danielle Lloyd, who has posed nude for Playboy in the last year, collapses in hysterics over the site of an old man's genitalia - “He bent over to change his pants and I saw his meat and two veg!” Record numbers of viewers are sure it's not the first time she laid eyes on some guy's junk.

Later in the diary room Ken is asked about his first night meeting the other BB contestants, and finishes by singing "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you" again Channel Four resolutely ignore his dead-on musical cues - the man is providing a score! No wonder he's not done much television work. Younger housemates are already calling him Uncle Ken.

The Major Scandal on the second day is Ken's snoring. he is shown at breakfast with former steps member Ian Watkins and early riser Jermain - Ian broaches the subject by making an aside that “It's like living in an aircraft hangar.” Ken wonders if he should request a peg for his nose from BB. He later offends Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty (another loud sleeper) by asking if perhaps he should request one for her as well.

As Jade Goodie and entourage enter the house on the second night, Ken, along with Jermaine and Shilpa have been voted to join Her as one of the 'Haves' in the main house, while the rest of the housemates become the have-nots, in the adjoining servant's quarters... trouble will surely be brewing tomorrow.