Movie Minesweeper - The You're Not Welcome Here Edition

Virginity Rocks, Fired Up, Mardi Gras, Beach Party at the Gates of Hell, Sanjay Dutt, Max Makowski, Shinobi, Carice van Houten, Lena Headey, Malcolm McDowell, Keira Knightley, Iron Man, Fanboys, Blu-ray, Hatchett, 30 Days of Night, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Creature Comforts America, Carl Franklin, Nikki Blonsky, Ally Sheedy, Neil Gaiman, The Colour of Magic, Henry Bean, Shark Swarm, Orlando Bloom, Giselle Bundchen, Tom Hanks, Angels and Demons, Sex and the City, Milla Jovovich, Francis Ford Copolla, The Godfather Part 4, Luke Cage, Black Panther, Hulk, Pirate Master, Saturday Night Live.

- Maxim magazine is teaming with Screen Gems for three pictures, Virginity Rocks, Fired Up and Mardi Gras. I'd die laughing if one of them actually turns out to be a masterpiece - come on, Maxim, hire some actual talent to write, direct and appear in these films. Give us another Fast Times. It won't hurt your bottom line.

- Meanwhile, National Lampoon have picked up Beach Party at the Gates of Hell, for a theatrical release in the autumn. I'm getting a strong '80s flashback vibe off of this one (and, indeed, from most of National Lampoon's recent acquisitions and productions).

- Sanjay Dutt is in prison again, for a six year sentence. He was found guilty of posessing weapons used in a series of 1993 'terror attacks'.

- Max Makowski has been hired by universal to write and direct a remake of Shinobi.

- Carice van Houten has joined the cast of Vivaldi, alongside Joseph Fiennes, Malcolm McDowell, Lena Headey and Gerard Depardieu. Is her dance card now getting too full for a quick foxtrot with Bond? DId Forster pass on her? We'll know soon, I'm sure.

- Keira Knightley is to play The Duchess is Saul Dibb's film about Georgiana Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire.

- Jon Favreau seems to be suggesting that, actually (SPOILER!) The Mandarin will not be prominent in the Iron Man film. Instead, it sounds like Jim Rhodes and Obadiah Stane will be Tony Stark's biggest problems.

- Fanboys might be out before Christmas. Or not.

- Talking of Jesus' official birthday and all, Target are to carry only Blu-ray players over the Christmas period - not HD-DVD.

- The BBFC have given Hatchett an 18 certificate for the UK - notable in part because of the MPAA U-turn on the film in recent months. Here's the BBFC's mildly-spoilerish reasoning: The BBFC’s Guidelines at ‘15’ state that ‘violence may be strong but may not dwell on the infliction of pain or injury …the strongest gory images are unlikely to be acceptable’. The strongest scenes include full gory detail of bodies being torn apart and eviscerated - entrails being pulled out of victims as they are still alive, decapitations and blood spurting from every part of the body. There is considerable focus on the extreme pain and suffering of the unfortunate victims. Therefore ‘18’ is the most appropriate category for the gore and violence in this film. Hatchett also contains infrequent use of strong language, moderate sex references and some sexualised nudity in the form of two women who frequently bare their breasts to one of the tourists believing they're auditioning for a real movie.

- Sam Raimi talks 30 Days of Night and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

- Creature Comforts America is due on R1 DVD this October.

- Carl Franklin is directing Snitch, a true-story affair about an undercover drugs bust. The story has previously been featured on an epsiode of Frontline.

- Nikki Blonsky - superb in Hairspray, though no replacement for Rikki Lake - has joined the cast of Harold. Ally Sheedy and Colin Quinn are another pair of new additions.

- Jonathan Ross snogged Neil Gaiman at Comic-Con this weekend, and video of this beautifully tender scene has made it's way online. Aaahhh!

- Sky's next Terry Pratchett adaptation is The Colour of Magic. Vadim Jean is once again directing, and David Jason, Tim Curry, Sean Astin and Christopher Lee have all been confirmed as being onboard.

- Henry Bean is scripting and will direct Down By the River from Charles Bowden's novel.

- Criterion's Johanna Schiller has paid tribute to Ingmar Bergman.

- Shark Swarm sounds pretty bad, but... well... you never know. The three-hour running time is interesting.

- Tom Hanks, Giselle Bundchen and... Orlando Bloom? The Angels and Demons cast sounds quitte daffy to me - but I bet the film is played as absolutely straight as The Da Vinci Code.

- Kim Cattrall may yet derail the Sex and the City movie.

- 100 Milla Jovovich clones running around to promote a movie? Hmmm. Sounds awfully like something I was writing once upon a time. Which reminds me - anybdoy out there looking to fund development and scripting of a funny, smart action thriller? Didn't think so.

- Francis Ford Copolla wanted to make a fourth Godfather just so Mario Puzo could leave his kids the money.

- Will John Singleton first direct Luke Cage or Black Panther? My money is on Cage.

- Some sites have a fairly nice image of the new Hulk.

- A contestant on Pirate Master mentioned the reality show's bad reviews in her suicide note.

- There are to be more Saturday Night Live season sets on DVD.