Ingmar Bergman's Big Hard Cock

Ingmar Bergman has died.

Remember all of that nonsense in Fight Club about splicing pensies into films? You know - the bit where most geeks heard the term 'cigarette burn' for the first time and then pretended they'd known the term all along? The film promises us an erect penis, spliced in, as some act of subversion. When the 'flash cut' comes, not only is it obvious and painfully laboured, it's also a limp penis. How appropriate.

But this wouldn't have done for Bergman. Ingmar Bergman spliced an actual erect penis into his film Persona (in the opening, with the bloody lamb, the nail being driven into the hand, the spider...)

That says it all, really: Bergman offers the penis up, unannounced, but part of an incredible sequence; Fincher promises it, then never delivers.

Persona also features one of the best perversions of film time through sound and image I've ever seen/heard and , later, what is surely the most suspenseful series of close ups ever committed to celluloid in the scene with the broken glass.

Go to your copy of Persona now - and if you don't have one, buy one - then freeze frame it on the erection and screen cap it, or take a picture with a camera, and upload it to the web. A 21+ cock salute for one of the masters of cinema. Link your images in the comments here, if you wish.

Goodbye, Ingmar.

The 100 Greatest Films Of All Time... Not According To Me

Three of film ick's writers - myself, Sledge and Martin - took part in a recent poll to decide upon 'The Online Film Community's Top 100 Films'. As expected, the list is broadly splattered with films any single individual amongst the contributors would likely be appalled by. That includes at least two of the film ick contingent.

Here's the official banner of the 'community list', in my preferred green style, followed by the final list itself. If you want to visit the home of the list, you can find out a little more about the whys, hows and wherefores. And at the bottom of this post, I'll raise my eyebrows a little and chip in a few opinions on the final rundown.

100. Nosferatu (Murnau, 1922)
99. Cinema Paradiso (Tornatore, 1988)
98. On the Waterfront (Kazan, 1954)
97. Blue Velvet (Lynch, 1986)
96. Reservoir Dogs (Tarantino, 1992)
95. His Girl Friday (Hawks, 1940)
94. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Jackson, 2003)
93. Toy Story (Lasseter, 1995)
92. Notorious (Hitchcock, 1946)
91. The 400 Blows (Truffaut, 1959)
90. Ghostbusters (Reitman, 1984)
89. 8 ½ (Fellini, 1963)
88. Aguirre, the Wrath of God (Herzog, 1972)
87. Leon (Besson, 1994)
86. Touch of Evil (Welles, 1958)
85. Modern Times (Chaplin, 1936)
84. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (Capra, 1939)
83. To Kill a Mockingbird (Mulligan, 1962)
82. The Manchurian Candidate (Frankenheimer, 1962)
81. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Cameron, 1992)
80. North by Northwest (Hitchcock, 1959)
79. King Kong (Cooper/Shoedsack, 1933)
78. Manhattan (Allen, 1979)
77. Ed Wood (Burton, 1994)
76. American History X (Kaye, 1998)
75. The Maltese Falcon (Huston, 1941)
74. Groundhog Day (Ramis, 1993)
73. The Conversation (Coppola, 1974)
72. The Bicycle Thief (De Sica, 1948)
71. The Graduate (Nichols, 1967)
70. Network (Lumet, 1976)
69. Halloween (Carpenter, 1978)
68. The Rules of the Game (Renoir, 1939)
67. Do the Right Thing (S. Lee, 1989)
66. Heat (Mann, 1995)
65. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Jackson, 2001)
64. Aliens (Cameron, 1986)
63. Silence of the Lambs (Demme, 1991)
62. The Incredibles (Bird, 2004)
61. A Clockwork Orange (Kubrick, 1971)
60. The Apartment (Wilder, 1960)
59. The General (Keaton/Bruckman, 1927)
58. The Passion of Joan of Arc (Dreyer, 1928)
57. Unforgiven (Eastwood, 1992)
56. L.A. Confidential (Hanson, 1997)
55. 12 Angry Men (Lumet, 1957)
54. The Shining (Kubrick, 1980)
53. M (Lang, 1931)
52. Memento (Nolan, 2000)
51. The Bridge on River Kwai (Lean, 1957)
50. Double Indemnity (Wilder, 1944)
49. The Big Lebowski (J. Coen, 1998)
48. Sunset Blvd. (Wilder, 1950)
47. This is Spinal Tap (Reiner, 1984)
46. Run Lola Run (Tykwer, 1998)
45. Goodfellas (Scorsese, 1990)
44. E.T. (Spielberg, 1982)
43. Singin’ in the Rain (Donen/Kelly, 1952)
42. The Searchers (Ford, 1956)
41. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Leone, 1966)
40. Raging Bull (Scorsese, 1980)
39. Once Upon a Time in the West (Leone, 1968)
38. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Forman, 1975)
37. The Princess Bride (Reiner, 1987)
36. The Usual Suspects (Singer, 1995)
35. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Gilliam/Jones, 1975)
34. Fight Club (Fincher, 1999)
33. Brazil (Gilliam, 1985)
32. Annie Hall (W. Allen, 1977)
31. Back to the Future (Zemeckis, 1985)
30. Die Hard (McTiernan, 1988)
29. The Third Man (Reed, 1949)
28. The Matrix (Wachowski/Wachowski, 1999)
27. The Wizard of Oz (Fleming, 1939)
26. Schindler’s List (Spielberg, 1993)
25. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Gondry, 2004)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (Lean, 1962)
23. Fargo (Joel and Ethan Coen, 1996)
22. It’s a Wonderful Life (Capra, 1946)
21. Apocalypse Now (Coppola, 1979)
20. Seven Samurai (Kurosawa, 1954)
19. Vertigo (Hitchcock, 1958)
18. Psycho (Hitchcock, 1960)
17. Rear Window (Hitchcock, 1954)
16. The Shawshank Redemption (Darabont, 1994)
15. Taxi Driver (Scorsese, 1976)
14. 2001: A Space Odyssey (Kubrick, 1968)
13. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (Lucas, 1977)
12. Chinatown (Polanski, 1974)
11. Pulp Fiction (Tarantino, 1994)
10. Alien (R. Scott, 1979)
9. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (Kershner, 1980)
8. The Godfather Part II (Coppola, 1974)
7. Jaws (Spielberg, 1975)
6. Blade Runner (R. Scott, 1982)
5. Casablanca (Curtiz, 1942)
4. Raiders of the Lost Ark (Spielberg, 1981)
3. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (Kubrick, 1964)
2. Citizen Kane (Welles, 1941)
1. The Godfather (Coppola, 1972)

Now, you can probably tell which titles in this list I have no truck with. More importantly, perhaps, is the list of films I find notable by their absence. I'll single out Vanilla Sky. Come back to me and 50 years and tell me I was right - it was indeed the most subversive American film made between Vertigo and the end of the 20th century (indeed, until 2007, the time of writing).

That Brazil is next to Fight Club gave me a giggle. My most beloved film and the one I am the most angered by, only a slot apart. At least they weren't in the other order.

Curious to see The Godfather beat The Godfather 2. I thought the world was pretty much agreed that part 2 is better than part 1. I certainly am, even if I'm only agreeing with myself.

Good to see Holy Grail take precedence over Life of Brian for once.

I'd feared that Goodfellas would top the list, and I was very glad to see it had not. if it hadn't turned up in the entire 100 I might have cracked open a bottle of something fizzy, but as it is, I'll stick with something flat.

Actually, I might leave it in the fridge alltogether... Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Ark? Testament to Spielberg's Ringo Starr status: Lawrence Kasdan - check, Verna Fields - check, early ILM- check, Spielberg himself - big Family Fortunes er-err noise. Not a popular opinion, I know.

By and large, though, this is a list of films that people should seek out and see, for good or bad, if they haven't caught them all yet. Anything in this 100 that has eluded you so far is pretty much an essential - if only so you can disagree with this consensus.

I'm grateful that all of the participants bothered and that the organisers did such a good job of collating the results, and quickly too. Good work, fellows. Let's do it again sometime.

Film Club

The Guardian sez: Gordon Brown and Beeban Kidron today launched Film Club, a scheme by which school kids get free screenings of movies after hours. I'd imagine the poster has a pink bar of soap on it somewhere. Sigh.