Laurie Meade's Ken Watch: Part 3

Ken Russell decided he'd had enough of Celebrity Big Brother, or at least enough of Jade Goodie's Mum, at some point last night when, ironically enough, she had disturbed too much of his sleep.

Yesterday, Jackiey, who had been calling Shilpa Shetty 'Princess' since entering the house, was outraged when it was politely pointed out to her that it might be a bit patronising; drama and tears followed... and they continued, into the 'Upstairs' bedroom late at night and well past Ken's bedtime. Ken objected firmly so the Goodie clan, en-masse, fought back. Jackiey farted, a great deal.

The false class struggle that producers have tried to beat up in the house over the last five days was realised in a way they perhaps had not foreseen - distinguished, genteel Ken against loud, overbearing Jackie. The lines had now been drawn.

It's a shame. Ken had been warming to his role as Raunchy old Lord of the Manor- principally with his three favourite females, Carol, Cleo and Danielle.

The morning saw a pretend argument with Carole regards his 'touchy-feely' hands-on habits with the staff. Cleo and Ken flirted furiously, Cleo genuinely warming to playing the saucy servant. "You might get lucky one of these nights," deadpanned Ken. Why didn't the producer's put these two in isolation? Sadly it's too late now.

At some point in an ongoing argument with Jade, Ken even gave her quite a nice Catherine Tate "Am I Bovvered?"

Over the course of the day, the veteran filmmaker attempted conciliatory talks with the single mother. Under different conditions they might have gotten along quite well, but with Jade and her (otherwise largely mute) boyfriend Jack on hand and ready to spring to Mum's defence, Ken decided to pre-empt confrontation and admit defeat. He slipped quietly away to the diary room...

"There was a great deal to enjoy in the house and I'm sincere about that. I knew there'd be a few surprises but not of the kind I experienced. I am a big old fuddy duddy and some of the surprises were a little too much to take for someone of my sensibility."

And shortly after that, Ken Russell left the Big Brother house.

Could we hope against hope that Peter Greenaway or Nicholas Roeg are called in to fill the void Ken has left? Probably not to any avail.

Ken Russell Has Left The Big Brother House

Sadly, Celebrity Big Brother has already lost it's Uncle Ken. Mr. Russell decided to walk, at 2:55 this afternoon, after falling out with Jade and Jackiey Goody.

Hopefully, Laurie Meade will furnish us with a full update ASAP, but in the meantime, Channel 4's website have an overview of these events.

Laurie Meade's Ken Watch: Part 2

As seen on Saturday night's Diary Room Uncut episode: Ken cavorting about the house with two of the most attractive housemates... and Carole Malone. Later, he was shown in the Diary Room with the same trio sitting beside and upon him. He had his arms around Danielle and Cleo.

Incidentally, Kenny Everett's former sidekick Cleo Rocos has quickly become, along with Dirk Benedict and Ken, the main reason to watch this year's Celebrity Big Brother.

Here are some exerpts from the ensuing Diary Room conversation:

Ken: "I got to keep my bitches happy...and I need a new nappy"
Cleo: "Uncle Ken is barking for a large one"
Ken: "I am barking..."
All: "Woof Woof WOOF!"
Cleo: "Ken's got an ASBO"
Danielle: "Uncle Ken's gonna put on a G-string"
Ken: "A G-string, and an A, B, C string as well"

Clearly, daily episode viewers have been missing valuable material to censorship, as later Cleo and Danielle are shown in the diary room sitting in each other's laps and complaining about Uncle Ken's snoring, joking about touching his bum and giggling.

Ken seems to be beginning to enjoy the current House Task, where eight of the Housemates have been assigned as servants to He and three others (Jade Goody, her Mother and her boyfriend Jack). Ken has been issuing his new servants with a range of tasks, including having Leo Sayer (who tried, and failed rather miserably, to maintain a vow of silence) unbutton his waistcoat. The most recent scenes include Ken assigning a nightshift of the servants to hold his nostrils open through the night.

Jade Goody thinks Ken is "lovely" as he reminds her of her Grandfather, and she worries in theose brief, fleeting moments that he has stopped snoring that he may have passed away.

Regarding the subject of Ken's loud sleeping habits, I note that despite the ongoing complaints and discussions the Producers have done nothing, and neither has Ken. Perhaps this is his secret weapon... Ladies and Gentlemen, lay your bets now...

Laurie Meade's Ken Watch: Part One

Ken goes in:

I'm sure it's the first time many of us have laid eyes on Ken Russell as he makes his way down the red carpet and towards Davina, a big old craggy faced fellow with a ruddy complexion and a shock of unruly white hair - he looks a little lost. On his way in we hear him “I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain…”

On entering the house he introduces himself to Jermain Jackson and the former Miss Great Britain “Anyone home? In know you but you won't know me, I'm an old English Film Director.”

Ken causes a scandal in the first night by changing his clothes in the sight of other house guests. Danielle Lloyd, who has posed nude for Playboy in the last year, collapses in hysterics over the site of an old man's genitalia - “He bent over to change his pants and I saw his meat and two veg!” Record numbers of viewers are sure it's not the first time she laid eyes on some guy's junk.

Later in the diary room Ken is asked about his first night meeting the other BB contestants, and finishes by singing "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you" again Channel Four resolutely ignore his dead-on musical cues - the man is providing a score! No wonder he's not done much television work. Younger housemates are already calling him Uncle Ken.

The Major Scandal on the second day is Ken's snoring. he is shown at breakfast with former steps member Ian Watkins and early riser Jermain - Ian broaches the subject by making an aside that “It's like living in an aircraft hangar.” Ken wonders if he should request a peg for his nose from BB. He later offends Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty (another loud sleeper) by asking if perhaps he should request one for her as well.

As Jade Goodie and entourage enter the house on the second night, Ken, along with Jermaine and Shilpa have been voted to join Her as one of the 'Haves' in the main house, while the rest of the housemates become the have-nots, in the adjoining servant's quarters... trouble will surely be brewing tomorrow.