The Hills Are Confused By The Sound Of Gossip

That's the worst headline ever. Apologies. It's worth reading on, though - there's a big surprise twist coming later.

So, we know, for sure, that the BBC's How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? is nothing more than a publicity stunt. Andrew Lloyd Webber's new stage version of The Sound of Music probably doesn't need any more hype than simply being that which it already is - his version of that musical - but, the BBC have been suckered in and every Saturday night, Lloyd Webber gets over an hour of free advertising.

First of all there was the Scarlett Johansson controversy. Apparently, she was offered the lead in the show, actually accepted it and then got the boot because her management made unreasonable requests. Whether or not any or all of this actually happened the publicity certainly spewed forth.

Now comes the revelation that the talent-show winner isn't getting half of what she bargained for. Sure, she'll get to play Maria - but only in Matinees, and not many of them, at that. Hopefully she'll be able to segue into other stage roles and maybe, slowly make a name for herself, but I expect these talent shows are leaving quite an indelible stigma and we're going to see almost no genuine successes from any of them.

Apparently, the 'real' Maria has been cast and it is... Emma Watson. Now, I don't know for sure if this is the same Emma Watson as plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films, but I suspect it is. Makes sense. She's a big name, she's all stage-schooled up and ready to go, she's young enough to get Lloyd Webber into trouble - and that's what he wanted, apparently. A younger Maria.

I think - think - this is a big scoop. Somebody tell all of the Harry Potter fanatics.